Yeah, okay, Kriston’s pretty well got my number. I can’t say that I’m too upset, though. I’m so used to getting grief over the Boy Scouts’ admittedly inexcusable policies on homosexuality that having gentle fun poked at their new “Respect Copyrights Activity Patch” feels like a relief. Also, Kriston was kind enough not to excerpt this part of the original article:
The inspiration for the new badge came from Hong Kong, where the local Boy Scouts organization had its members pledge not to use or buy pirated materials. In addition, the Scouts agreed to search Internet file-sharing sites and turn in sites and users they see violating the law. The campaign was launched at a stadium before a slew of pop stars where the so-called “youth ambassadors” pledged to stem the rise piracy.
So you’re organizing rallies of youth devoted to turning undesirables over to the powers that be, eh? Sounds, uh, potentially problematic. Particularly since artifacts like these knives exist. (I actually own one — but hey, it was inherited! And originally purchased at a New Zealand flea market! And honestly, it’s not evil in any easily-identifiable way, other than being the most deadly-looking object bearing the Boy Scout insignia that you can possibly imagine, which was the reason I kept it around.)
I think it would behoove everybody to take a step back and remember that the Boy Scouts’ weirdly militaristic structure works because it’s designed to complement the impulses of little boys, who are, in most important respects, tiny fascists. It sounds bad, but it works out pretty well so long as the aggression is safely channeled down the command structure (and age brackets). Using those ugly impulses to further grown-ups’ own martial fantasies turns really creepy really quickly, though.
But I think it’ll be alright: this is just an “activity badge”, after all — it carries far less metaphysical import than a real merit badge. In fact, I don’t actually remember whether activity badges existed during my tenure in the Boy Scouts. They may be a recent invention of Big Badge, catering to the same mouth-breathing demographic that powers our nation’s vanity licenseplate industry. I won’t be a bit surprised if the coming months bring us both the “threw brick through Strabucks window at ANSWER rally” activity badge AND the “strewed plastic mini-fetuses outside abortion clinic” activity badge (it’s called the long tail, people, and it’s potentially mostly not imaginary).
As long as the merit badge institution remains safely devoted to wholesome activities like rabbit-raising, philatelism SLASH numismatology and harnessing the fearsome power of the atom, all is well with the world. And even if merit badges do become corrupted, there’s still one last bastion of badge integrity that would have to be assailed before I lost my enthusiasm for the entire institution.
You see, much like radioactive disasters, the very best badges were the ones that conferred new powers: Tote N’ Chip let you play with knives, and the seldom-seen Fire N’ Chip let you burn things (many troops, including my own, recognized boykind’s innate right to play with fire and dispensed with the latter). I think there may have been a Torment The Fat Kid N’ Chip badge as well, but I always missed the meetings where they were distributed.
Merit badges, on the other hand, were simply a means of advancing in rank. Aside from the marksmanship badges, none carried the awesome destructive potential required to elicit any kind of enthusiasm from those earning them. Usually having one just meant that you had spent an uncomfortable half-hour talking to your friend’s mom about Citizenship.
So I think we’ll be alright. Although if they start somehow incorporating DRM into swiss army knives (no whittling copyrighted works!), somebody’s gonna have to die.
spent an uncomfortable half-hour talking to your friend’s mom about Citizenship
This is the part of Boy Scouts I remember.
Remember that time Mark and I got that historical knife of yours confiscated by the Chief of Police in Oakland, MD? And you had to call them to get it back?
Uhh… me neither.
i agree with http://hypebot.typepad.com/:
No offense to the Scouts, but when did the kids that are into music start caring about what their brethren in beige shorts and scarves had to say anything?
I’m dating myself here, but previous to an overhaul of the Scouts in like 1990 or so, there were belt loops (you wore them on your official Boy Scout Belt) that seem to have carried the same weight as Activity Badges.
I always thought they were phased out to eliminate this very sort sort of confusion (I think you had to get some to advance). But then, we never talked about it, because there were always more pressing things to be set afire.