As far as I can recall, there is no candy bar on the national market that contains raisins. None of even moderate prominence, anyway. The closest you can come is Nestle’s generally-underrated Chunky product, but its length:(width+height) ratio is all off — it’s some sort of ill-conceived candy chimera. Deliciousness aside, it’s clearly not fit to take its place in the American pantheon of bar-shaped food products.
Now, I’m not noting this to argue for raisins as a primary candy bar component — I know that proposition would be controversial. Still, you have to admit that raisins are a classic confection ingredient; a solid, dependable utility player. Yet the candy bar industry systematically ignores them. Meanwhile, various other ingredients — the poorly-defined “nougat” in particular — seem to me to be consistently over-represented. I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but it’s virtually guaranteed to be sinister.
I realize they’re not a bar per se, but what about Raisenets? Popular and delicious. Perhaps raisins are so powerful that they must be isolated from other, weaker candy components (caramel, nougat, peanut butter, etc).
It’s an interesting hypothesis, and I think the plight of the Whopper lends credence to the idea. But, on the other hand, you’d then have to account for the near-complete irrelevance of Goobers. Similarly, Milk Duds don’t seem to have diminished caramel’s popularity.
But see, Goobers are irrelevant because peanuts are not strong enough to stand on their own little feet. Peanuts are team players–they’re not meant to go it alone. As for Milk Duds, they’re not caramel. Technically, it’s a similar compound, but when’s the last time a Twix bar got stuck in your teeth? Milk Duds are a bastardization of caramel’s smooth delicious goodness, so it’s no surprise they’ve had little effect on its popularity.
I, too, immediately thought of raisinettes but disqualified them for lack of bar form. But then I thought: double boiler + handful of raisinettes = approximate bar form and much potential deliciousness. And it just happens that I have some raisinettes at home right. this. very. minute.
Peanuts are team players–they’re not meant to go it alone
Then explain the PayDay.
my own feeling is that fruit–of any sort–and chocolate of any sort (a fundamental component of any candy bar worth its salt) do not mix. In a mass-produced sense, of course–there’s nothing wrong with fresh strawberries dipped in chocolate, but I just don’t think Nestle or Hershey’s or whoever has it in them to design something with raisins that wouldn’t induce projectile vomiting. I mean, why not just throw in some dried cherries or banana chips while you’re at it? Because that’s gross.
But maybe this is just my own raisinist bias.
While I think Adirenne’s claims regarding projectile vomiting are off the mark, the point about mass-produced fruit is valid… Fruit of any kind doesn’t work in a candy bar. Various phases of sugar, nuts and legumes, the occassional crisped grain, etc. are all fair game. But raisins and other fruits – any fruit – don’t fit.
This is, I think, less damning for raisins than it is for the candy bar itself as a sugar-delivery vector. As a civilization we can, and have, done better.
Cadbury’s has a milk-chocolate and raisins bar. I like them a lot.
Adrienne and Jeff, I think you’re mistaken. The Chunky argues against your point. So does the fruit & nut bar (which is what I think RWB is referring to). And look at the preponderance of coconut! Besides, chocolate itself eventually goes bad. Surely raisins have a long enough shelf life.
And now, Jeff, you try to muddy the waters with your populist slurpee shenanigans? I’m beginning to think you’re in the pocket of Big Chocolate.
Funny you should mention the PayDay, since just this morning I noticed a new offering in the Annenberg vending machine…a chocolate-covered PayDay. That’s right–regular old PayDays are being replaced by a chocolate-caramel-peanut hybrid. I looked for some less anecdotal data to back up this claim…best I could find was Hershey’s 2002 Annual Stockholder Report, which admits “In non-chocolate, brands such as Payday candy bar and Jolly Rancher candy did not perform at the required level.”
PayDay didn’t always have a chocolate coating?
And here I thought a dearth of dried fruit candy was a sign of civilizational progress. Raisin bars, Tom? What’s next? Chocolate covered homework?
Ryan, you’ve just been brainwashed by the candy industrial complex, who are intend on convincing Americans that what they want to eat are shelf-stable candies that are full of cheap ingredients like corn syrup.
Dried fruit is delicious! Especially if you pump it full of sugar. Let’s be clear here: I’m in favor of processing the fuck out of these alternate ingredients (within reason). I’d just like to see a little more imagination. But there does seem to be some sort of industry-wide aversion to fruit. And it leads to some ridiculous excesses: look at the Fast Break bar. Pretzels!? In a chocolate bar?!!! It’s depraved.
Tom, you’re thinking of the Take Five, which is the best new candy bar since the Whatchamacallit. The Fast Break is a horrible nougaty/peanut butter confection.
Ohhhh yeah. Sorry. I knew it was “that one with the title that’s a subtle effort to erode workers’ rights in the form of diminished statutory break requirements”. You can see how I’d get confused.
Actually, I do think that the reason raisins are looked down upon as candy options has to do with their general healthiness. Adding raisins to a candy bar dilutes the health value of eating raisins, which, I think, is one of the main reason people consume them.
Take an example with numbers (where we’ll ignore the money cost of the items). Say a candy bar costs 10 health units but delivers 20 flavor units. Then say a packet of raisins costs 1 health unit, but delivers 15 flavor units. And say a raisin candy bar costs 11 health units, and delivers 30 flavor units. Then, consuming the items separately bears a health cost of 11 for a consumer surplus of 24 flavor units, while consuming them together bears a health cost of 11 for a consumer surplus of 19 flavor units.
In other words, since raisins are healthy, they are more economically consumed by themselves or with other healthy items than as part of an unhealthy treat, even if that treat tastes better than candy bars without raisins. QED.
I think you just provided an economic justification for not letting the food on your plate touch. Have you submitted this to any journals?
Not yet. I’m totally going to overthrow the it-all-goes-to-the-same-place paradigm.
Becks and I encourage you to take your program to its logical conclusion, ryan. Don’t buy what they’re selling you about stomachs—they’re totally compartmentalized.
i’m guessing it’s just because raisins out and out suck.
Ryan, don’t let Kriston’s weird perversions pollute your quest for knowledge. Unless you’ve got an econometric explanation for mortal fear of sprouted garlic, that is. It’s my opinion that the man is beyond the reach of science.
There are more gross things in the pantry and fridge, Tommy, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Take Five is vastly overrated, and the Payday is no counterexample to the thesis that peanuts are team players—without the caramel and salt, they’d be pale and wan. Pale and wan and shitty.
I believe that the order of operations renders the parens in this statement redundant
length:(width+height)
although the readability is slightly better.