well, I’m sick
And have been since Sunday. I should’ve known something was up when the smoke at the Black Cat and Sommer‘s party started to bother me. I’m usually of at least average hardiness when it comes to friends’ cigarette fumes, but this time I was dying.
For once, I recognized my symptoms for what they were and immediately took countermeasures. My mom favors echinacea, but the male side of my family demands rigorous pseudo-scientific analyses that have been published in a respected journal, or at least on the back of an authoritative-looking cardboard box. So I started consuming zinc lozenges at a prodigious rate.
If you start taking it quickly enough, zinc gluconate is supposed to decrease the length of colds by, I don’t know, ramping up your white blood cell production, or galvanizing them or something. They say they’ve got studies proving it works, but of course it’s hard to judge from first-hand experience.
The initial results weren’t promising. I was laid pretty low; my body shut down all non-essential processes — alertness, cleverness, interest in the Britney Spears divorce — leaving only those biological systems necessary for maintaining a steady stream of whining. But I think I’m getting better, or at least trading old symptoms for new ones — and by my standards it’s happening relatively quickly, too. I don’t think this is going to become my annual epic month-long illness (tentative arrival date: February).
Anyway, I’ll heartily recommend the zinc drops, if only because they let you feel like you’re doing something to improve things, instead of just wallowing in phlegm and misery. But there is a downside: you’re supposed to suck on them, not swallow them. They don’t taste particularly great, but they’re bearable, particularly if you buy the brand-name version. But that’s just priming you for the real unpleasantness, which comes when you eat anything else.
It’s a little hard to describe the taste that results. The best I’ve been able to come up with is “hollandaise sauce made with rotten eggs and 9-volt batteries”. It’s like the experience a vulture must have when eating a cyborg’s carcass.
Why the sudden, food-triggered onset? I have no idea. Maybe the change in flavor wakes up neurons that have grown inured to the original zinc drop. Maybe the acid in the food makes the zinc rust out of solution, producing a different and worse-tasting compound (chemistry nerds, help me out here). Whatever it is, it seems to be unavoidable, regardless of how much water and time you place between the lozenge and the food. It’s the taste of wellness, and it’s terrible.